Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Librarian

I was at the library today. I was waiting for assistance from the librarian. I saw these teenagers who were laughing and moving their heads funnily. So, at first I wondered if they were laughing at me since my head does move involuntarily due to the Dystonic spasms and I do shake sometimes.

The degree to which my symptoms appear depend on the day--some days it's quite a bit and many days it's hardly noticeable to anyone but me. Some might call my thinking they were laughing at me being paranoid. I just call it being real, because I do look 'different' when my neck is spasming or I'm having other issues related to my illnesses.

Then, I realized they were laughing at the librarian who was helping them. This lady was sitting at the computer. She has a noticeable tremor where her head and other body parts shake, but it's especially her head and neck. I noticed it before and thought that it could be a tremor or an early stage of Parkinson's--hopefully not.

Anyway, I said to myself, "Kids can be so cruel." Then again adults can be cruel too. I've encountered both. We can talk about sensitivity until we are blue in the face. After a certain point, you either have it or you don't.

I wondered if the lady who was being mocked realized she was being mocked? I wondered if she internalizes the cruelty of others? I wondered if she had developed a strong armour to resist the affects of the ignorant? I hope she has a strong armour especially since she works in a public setting. I'm in the process of developing a stronger armour.

I've talked to this lady several times. She seems very pleasant and nice. I'm glad that she's pleasant. She hasn't let herself become bitter due to her illness or issues. She was probably a pleasant person before she developed these issues. And, that person is who I see.

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