Thursday, July 30, 2009

The Emotional Ups and Downs

For those who have been following my blog, you might sense that I have been kind of frustrated lately. Ma, you don't need to read this post (LOL), because you have listened to me vent. I'm sorry if I have stressed you with my emotions going up and down lately. But, thanks for listening anyway!

I'm not trying to make this blog negative. It is a blog to help people who are going through similar. If you are going through similar, then you probably encounter some of the emotional ups and downs. If you don't, that's great. But, this blog also helps me get my STUFF out. So, I can't apologize for that. Thanks to those who support!

As most of you know, being physically sick can also take an emotional toll. Trust me, I am thankful and grateful for what the Lord has given me. While I pray for healing and wish things would be better, I do know I'm blessed.

However, I have ALLOWED a close relative to get the best of me. I love this relative very much. But, some of the sarcastic, underlying comments they have been making have been surprising and very hurtful. I want to say,"Yes I know it could be worse. Yes, I know that such and such just passed away, but I'm alive. The Lord knows I'm thankful..."

I'm so trying to be repectful, because this person deserves my respect. (Anybody who knows me and is reading this, please do not ask me the "who" question--thank you very much).

But, it's like this relative shows concern for my situation but then turns around and makes an underlying comment that makes me feel like they feel that I'm complaining or ungrateful when all I've ever been is sympathetic and caring towards them and their issues. I just don't get where it's coming from. I have a few other relatives/friends who don't get it. But, it hurts more when the person is "close."

Trust me, I don't go around complaining about my pain constantly. But, if someone asks how I'm doing I am more honest about it than in the past. If I'm in pain, I do say so. I'm not looking for sympathy. I just feel it's best to be honest.

Another reason why I feel honesty is best is because I've done the "I'm feeling okay thing" when I'm really not feeling okay. Then, you get responses the next time you're not feeling so well like, "I THOUGHT you were feeling better."

That's when I want to say, "Hold up, I have an illness that causes pain on a daily basis--some days worse than others." But, I shouldn't have to explain that. What I'm finding is that some people want you to say you're good just to make themselves feel better. To me, that's selfish and irrational.

As I know, I have to develop a stronger armour. I cannot keep going around letting others who make unfounded, ridiculous comments bother me. If anything, this will definitely make me a stronger person. But, on the flip side, I am finding that I am becoming more antisocial so that I don't have to deal with...I don't want to be like that. I must find a balance.

I will continue to pray on it as usual. I know life is too short to get agitated by people. I am so thankful for those I can depend upon. I am also thankful for those I love who don't quite get it. I must try to maintain my patience and try to lead by example on how to be a sensitive individual. The Lord did bless me with that virtue and I am thankful for it.


"Peace I leave with you...
Do not let your hearts be troubled,
neither let them be afraid."

John 14:27

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